Conversation with Death #2

Me: I loved you in Family Guy, Death.

Death: That was Norm MacDonald, you idiot. And a cartoon, to boot.

Me: Oh. Meet Joe Black?

Death: ...Brad Pitt. I'll take that as a compliment. Now scram.

Conversation With Fundamentalist Christian Youth

FCY: *Runs Up* HEY!!! You seem like a cool guy! You should totally join our bible study group this Saturday!

Me: *Feigned Interest* HEYYYY.... No. That's my drinking day. *Walks Off*

Conversation with Death #1

Me: Hey Death. Is my my time already?

Death: No. *Walks away*

Me: Whew! *Continues unhealthy lifestyle*

Conversation with Life #3

Life: What's up, man?

Me: Oh, you know, the usual. The job suc....

Life: You know what? Let me stop you there. I don't give a flying shit. *walks away*

Me: Aww.

Conversation with Salesman #1

Me: Excuse me, where is the nearest gas station? I'm a little lost, and I'm running out of fuel.

Salesman: Fuel? Well, my good sir, let me introduce the new Toyondazda Super-Deluxe Hybrid Gasoline-Electric-Bat Guano 4-cylinder-wheel-drive!

Me: Er, that's nice, but I need some fuel. I won't be able to make it more than 10 miles with what I have in the tank.

Salesman: Tank? This baby has a 5-chamber fuel and bat shit hydrocapacitator with TZ management! You'll get 5000 miles to the gallon!

Me: Okay, now you're just throwing random made-up words at me. Where's the damn gas station?

Salesman: Do you need help with the financing of this fabulous new car? *Grin*

Me: *Drives off*

Conversation with Clown #1

Me: Mr. Clown, why do you scare children so much? My theory is that your overly exaggerated expressions and antics overstimulate introverted kids, and in turn, they become stressed out and begin to cry. But since I am not a clown by profession, and you are, would you be so kind as to explain to me what you think is a likely reason?

Clown: I can't speak for all clowns, but the kids I work with usually only start crying when I pull their little pants off and start to rape them.

Me: ... *walks away slowly*

Conversation with Life #2

Me: *sitting at edge of cliff* Life, would you join me and let me talk about you for a bit while enjoying this lovely view?

Life: *Pushes me off cliff*

Conversation with God #1

Me: Wait, why am I talking to you? I don't even believe in you.

God: Because you need other characters to have witty conversations with on your blog other than life.

Me: Fair enough. I still don't believe in you, though.

God: Blow me.

Conversation with Life #1

Me: Life, why am I talking to you?

Life: Because you're an introverted young adult with a hyperactive imagination with a computer and a Blogger account.

Me: Aww. You make it sound so depressing.